A Holiday Affair
Notes You Can Believe
This motion picture cost exactly $2036. This amount can be attributed in many ways and doesn't reflect certain parallel expenses, but I can assure you that every penny of it is on the screen. It was shot in 106 hours straight with no one eating or sleeping. Everyone was paid in rupiahs to hold down costs. There was no script--in fact the entire story was improvised by a panel of sexually active urbanites and by some miraculous 
karmic accident the entire screenplay fell perfectly into place. The action was recorded digitally and then taken to computers where it was painstakingly re-rendered to appear as to be shot on 16mm film. The similarity is remarkable.
This enabled us to make use of every take without regard to its content, since we could alter the actual footage in order to make it appear "virtual actual," and in the process we also negated all proof of our own existence. All subsequent title sequences will appear in bar code and will double your coupons if you wave them at the screen. If you watch the film backwards, you will hear a voice making an offer for cheaper long distance service and dictating a URL link to download software that will enable you to stream the film on your microwave oven. Burritos may be warmed in your computer using this same technology.
The film was edited using a new Microsoft product known as Last Splice Pro. It resembles a competitor's product in every way except that it crashes every time you make a decision, so it is more user friendly when you allow the Opening Night montage software to assemble the program by itself. This fills up your hard drive faster than you can say "I've got your Gateway right here" but it will allow filmmakers of tomorrow more free time to date actresses and "make the magic" rather than wasting valuable time on the tedious construction of the end product. With the click of a mouse the auteur can change to a nonlinear plot line, change the sexual preference of a character or otherwise alter the program to fit the trend setting flavor of the day. One new exciting feature is the 36x9 aspect ratio, which approximates the peripheral vision of a salamander. Orson Welles was experimenting with this until he began to resemble the format itself. Shortly thereafter, he got even fatter.
This is also the first film shot using digital lights, which are better than regular lights because--well, they're digital! These so-called "smart lights" are not lights at all, but an artificial intelligence enclosed in a baby blue translucent housing that recognizes that with all these new gizmos, who needs lights anyway? They do feature firewire, broadband internet connection and MP3 capability, which makes the footage available to anyone in the world simultaneously, except for the Chinese, who get the footage and copy it before you can finish it. Diplomats are currently falling all over themselves to correct this violation of intellectual property by giving the Chinese everything that they ask for, including American spy secrets, which in many ways are less valuable than American motion pictures.
Marketing plans for the film include a platform release to all bus stations in the continental United States, where the producers hope to wet the public's appetite 15 minutes at a time. The reasoning is that too much sex humor before a long bus ride is not a good thing. We hope to collect a small percentage of the coin-op revenues, although bus stations are notorious for their bookkeeping and often exaggerate the terminal "nut."
Making this web page has increased the budget to $ 2137.50.
This enabled us to make use of every take without regard to its content, since we could alter the actual footage in order to make it appear "virtual actual," and in the process we also negated all proof of our own existence. All subsequent title sequences will appear in bar code and will double your coupons if you wave them at the screen. If you watch the film backwards, you will hear a voice making an offer for cheaper long distance service and dictating a URL link to download software that will enable you to stream the film on your microwave oven. Burritos may be warmed in your computer using this same technology.
The film was edited using a new Microsoft product known as Last Splice Pro. It resembles a competitor's product in every way except that it crashes every time you make a decision, so it is more user friendly when you allow the Opening Night montage software to assemble the program by itself. This fills up your hard drive faster than you can say "I've got your Gateway right here" but it will allow filmmakers of tomorrow more free time to date actresses and "make the magic" rather than wasting valuable time on the tedious construction of the end product. With the click of a mouse the auteur can change to a nonlinear plot line, change the sexual preference of a character or otherwise alter the program to fit the trend setting flavor of the day. One new exciting feature is the 36x9 aspect ratio, which approximates the peripheral vision of a salamander. Orson Welles was experimenting with this until he began to resemble the format itself. Shortly thereafter, he got even fatter.
This is also the first film shot using digital lights, which are better than regular lights because--well, they're digital! These so-called "smart lights" are not lights at all, but an artificial intelligence enclosed in a baby blue translucent housing that recognizes that with all these new gizmos, who needs lights anyway? They do feature firewire, broadband internet connection and MP3 capability, which makes the footage available to anyone in the world simultaneously, except for the Chinese, who get the footage and copy it before you can finish it. Diplomats are currently falling all over themselves to correct this violation of intellectual property by giving the Chinese everything that they ask for, including American spy secrets, which in many ways are less valuable than American motion pictures.
Marketing plans for the film include a platform release to all bus stations in the continental United States, where the producers hope to wet the public's appetite 15 minutes at a time. The reasoning is that too much sex humor before a long bus ride is not a good thing. We hope to collect a small percentage of the coin-op revenues, although bus stations are notorious for their bookkeeping and often exaggerate the terminal "nut."
Making this web page has increased the budget to $ 2137.50.
CUTTING EDGE BIO
Rod Bingaman is a multinational (aka American) filmmaker. A walking melting pot, he is Anglo-American, Franco-American and Italian-American in addition to being part Native American. The Bingamans certainly slept around. It also put them in the unusual position of making and breaking treaties with themselves. The family also includes a number of left-handers. Bingaman himself was a switch-hitter for a time, and despite rumors that he swung both ways he was able to educate many about using all fields, juiced balls and the like. He has since fathered two children and thought more seriously about the fixing the latter. He was once twenty five years old and remembers it fairly well.
